balad fun times

Hello everyone! Welcome to the 1st (and hopefully only) eating contest at JBB (Joint Base Balad). Jeff thought it would be a good idea to see how much food we could cram in our fat faces. Now of course Jeff did not partake in the festivities except to be the "judge". He wanted all the officers (all the providers that is) to participate so most of us signed up for an event or two (except for Mike and Travis who were too afraid of loosing their girlish figures-you'll see them in the background in some of the pictures but never step up to the plate).
So, I have to hand it to Jeff, he picked a great time to do this. The morale of the company was down, we are only halfway done with this deployment, and everyone needed some down-home fun. I think everyone had a really good time in spite of the fact that we tried very hard to make everyone sick by stuffing more junk food in their mouths than any normal person would in a week.

The first event was the twisler eating contest. Now Doug (the one in the long sleeve white shirt) is one of our younger and inspiring officers. Doug is also in his mid-twenties. As you will see Doug signed up for several events.
The contest was to see who could eat the most twislers in two minutes. In all the events the contestants could use water or the beverage of their choice to help wash it down. Note what Doug is drinking, it's an ice tea. It's like a 20+oz ice tea. Remember that.
After cramming nearly a whole package of twislers down their throats, Stoner came out as the victor. I get sick from eating them during a movie if I eat too many, I can't imagine eating a whole package in less than two minutes!




The next event was coke drinking, no make that the chugging contest. The rules, who could drink (chug) about TWO liters of warm (regular) coke the fastest. Yea, I couldn’t do this one either. Pay attention to the soldier on the far right (Gilbert).


Now remember this is (was) about 2 liters of warm coke. Can you see the progression of his stomach? We actually watched his stomach get bigger as he forced himself to finish his warm coke. This is warm coke NOT beer! What a trooper...he's willing to go that extra mile to complete a task. That's what I'm talking about!


Here they pour out the congratulations as he was the only one to finish his 2 liters of coke. Great job- distended stomach and all. Now that the coke drinking contest is over let's look at some of the hundreds of different uses for coke. Here are just a few...used to relieve the trots (diarrhea), used to clean your tires and keep the shine on, used on dog paw pads to prevent chaffing, used to clean burnt pans effortlessly, used to antique your photos, used to bronze antique coins, used to clean tile grout...do you get the point? This stuff we drink. Now all of these were uses for regular coke not diet. So us diet drinkers only have to worry about the artificle sweetner in it and the brain tumors it forms.

This event, although not too exciting, was the gram cracker eating contest. The man on the right in the jacket is Dr. Mcleary. He's our dentist. He's from the "tide" state (roll tide roll). He has that southern kindness about him. We really enjoy having him here with us. He is being cheered on by Dr. Perez, our FP doc. Dr. Perez (pronounced like "paris") is our version of Mr. Miyagi. He is full of useful knowledge given to you in ancient oriental parable form. He too is a great addition to our team out here.
The funny thing is the soldier on the far left is one of Dr. Mcleary's dental technicians. Apparently gram crackers aren't too bad for your teeth.



This next event is the ice tea chugging contest. Once again you see Doug in this event. I guess he loves his ice tea. He won with no problem. He claims his victory comes from all those years in college. What ever does he mean??? I think we should refer back to my last post and kids in college. Now Doug won this event by chugging three 20+ ozs. of ice tea. Remember the first contest he was in I mentioned he was drinking an ice tea? Well, including this contest he drank over 80 ozs of ice tea in less than an hour. Wow, that's a lot of fluid not to mention it was caffeinated ice tea. He probably had to pee every couple of hours for the rest of the night.

In these next photos you will see two guys separately battle it out with their lesser foes until they finally meet at the end for the world (make that Balad) Championship.

Here we have Byland winning by a land slide in a poptart eating contest. He ate 3 packets (6 poptarts) in two minutes. Amazing!










Here you have Crone making easy work of eating mini-marshmellows. Note the starting position...Mr. Crone has his big meat hook already in the marshmellows while the other victims are waiting patiently for the start of this contest. Well, the contest ended with Crone winning, obviously. Take a look at his empty bowl verses the other two who still have FULL bowls of mini-marshmellows. Wow!

This last event pairs Byland (who had something like 15+chicken wings and several diet cokes for dinner prior to entering the night's event) verse Crone (who had already been in two events and won). The contest is to see who can eat the most whoppers (malted milk balls) in 2 minutes.
Although Crone put up a good fight Byland won by a large count. Wow, what a life time achievement! Does anyone think these two guys are going home lighter than what they were???






Well, I saved this one for last. This event actually occured immediately before Crone won the marshmellow eating contest. I participate in the oreo cookie eating contest and I LOVE oreos. I should have no problems, right? The two competing against me are Hatfield and Crone. Oh what I would have given to know then what I know now about him.

Well here's the start of the contest. That's me stacking my cookies nice and neat. If you have them inline and stacked neatly then you can eat them faster.

Crone is getting ready by downing a carton of milk. I'm still stacking and aligning my cookies. I don't know what Hatfield is doing.







And we are off. It's a close one. Hatfield and I have started our first one and Crone is on like number five.
There goes another carton of milk. At least it's skim milk (we still aren't sure if it's cow or camel...remember you can milk anything with nipples).

Here Crone is showing off. He has finished his stack of cookies and now he's eating Hatfield's. I think I ate 4 or 5 cookies. That's about norm for me. All I wanted was the cookies and this is what I have to go through just to get some FREAKIN' cookies!!!